i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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