Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
