i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
