Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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