I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You took a bar mat shot.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
