Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
