i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize