My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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