i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
