So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
cat food counts as protein by the way
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
