Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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