why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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