Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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