Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
