ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
