He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize