I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
