If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
