i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to cum in my sink.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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