somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
