I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
did i just pee glitter
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
