i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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