u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize