You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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