I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
