there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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