if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize