i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
