Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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