the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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