Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drunk is not a location!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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