We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
