and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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