Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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