Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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