Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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