New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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