Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
