So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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