Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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