got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
