My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
