The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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