she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
