I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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