I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
