btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
