walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
