One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
