Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
