i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
