he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
