i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
