Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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