I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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