Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
