take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
