Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
