I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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