Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
two words: eviction party
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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