i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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