so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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