I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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