I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
