Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
