Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
