Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
