it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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