i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
