You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
