i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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