You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
