Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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