somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
