He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize