I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
