3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just puked most of my soul out..
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