i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
