i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
