you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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