I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
