walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
this will be a night to untag.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
