What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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