spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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