I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
