fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
