Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
