i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize