I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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