you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
