we have pet lesbian snakes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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