i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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