The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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