On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
