You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
