wanna go halves on a baby?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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