I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
