its not stalking. its research.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
