Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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