I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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