Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
