Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
