dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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