the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
