This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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