My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
