It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
