i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
