I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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