I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
