Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
